


Overwatch Discovers D&D

by Depths_Of_Erebus



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, M/M, Ranger Hanzo, barbarian jesse cuz why not, cleric genji cuz irony and mercy made him, dm reinhardt, mercy's a druid cuz screw healing, sorcerer widowmaker because MAGIC, this should be interesting, warlock reaper
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2019-10-03 06:55:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17279216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Depths_Of_Erebus/pseuds/Depths_Of_Erebus
Summary: A few of the Overwatch characters start a campaign.Needless to say, this'll be interesting.(Contains mildly dirty jokes and swearing!)By the way, if you guys have any requests for stuff to happen or ideas for this, I'd love to hear them!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So here's how it's broken down  
> Reinhardt's the DM because he like storytelling and no one else would do it  
> Mercy is a druid because she's DONE WITH HEALING YOU ALL EVERY SECOND  
> Reaper's a warlock because he wanted to be a magic boi  
> Ranger Hanzo cuz he needs his bow even in fantasy games  
> Genji is a cleric because OH THE BEAUTIFUL IRONY and Mercy threatened to de-assemble him  
> Barbarian Jesse because he wants to hulk smash  
> Sorcerer Widowmaker because she wants to beat Reaper in magic-using  
> Let's do this.

“You arrive at the edge of Tharbeost Forest. You have rations, but it seems if you run out, finding food will be hard. The forest seems to radiate an angry force It is thick and hairy, almost impenetrable. If any of you make a joke or even giggle at that, I will shove my hammer up your-”

“REINHARDT. CONTINUE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING YOU REGRET.” Mercy interrupted, waving her hands and almost knocking Reaper’s Diet Soda into his lap. Genji and Jesse looked at each other, red from all the restrained laughter. Reinhardt was a good DM, but prone to making unfortunately dirty descriptions of surroundings and such.

“Anyway. You arrive at the edge of Tharbeost Forest. It has one, thin path ahead. Going in means risking your lives, but a much faster journey to Vorralyn City, where the artifact you seek lies. Do you risk it?” Reinhardt finished. There was a moment of silence. 

“I ROLL TO GO MAKE THE PATH WIDER UP AHEAD BY SMASHING IT!” Jesse yelled, pounding his fist on the table. His character, a dwarven barbarian named Tharlin Battlehide, unfortunately was completely capable of doing so, with a strength stat of 21 (somehow) and a greatclub. Why he was allowed to play D&D slightly drunk and as a character like that is still a mystery.

“Oh my god, please spare us. The last time you pulled a stunt like this, we all ended up getting chased by an angry pack of sexually confused Kenku. I’d rather not go through that again.” Widowmaker sighed.

“OH MY GOD NAT 20!” Genji yelled, looking at Jesse’s roll.

This was gonna be a loooong campaign.


	2. Widowmaker Plays With Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of fire and arguing. So a typical Overwatch D&D.

“We’re literally in the midst of a forest, being held prisoner in the trees by giant spider women, with no weapons, tangled up in a giant web.” Hanzo said. “There is no situation in which we all survive.” There was silence for a moment. Then Widow jumped up, startling Genji so bad he accidentally dumped Mountain Dew on Jesse.

“I CAST FIRE STORM!” She announced, rolling her d20.

“I was wondering when you were going to realize that you guys have magic.” Reinhardt said flatly, looking around the table. “No surprise that Widow was the first to remember.”

“WAIT.” Reaper interrupted. “ WHY DIDN’T YOU USE FIRE STORM LAST SESSION?”

“Why do you ask?”

“BECAUSE WE WERE IN A WOODEN JAIL CELL!”

Silence as everyone glared at Widow, who smirked.

“I knew I had the spell. I just didn’t use it because you morons deserved to learn a lesson.” She cackled uncharacteristically loudly.

“WIDOW!” Yelled everyone in unison.

After wasting half the session with pointless arguing, Widowmaker finally got around to casting Fire Storm. However, in the process, she managed set fire to the following:

Genji’s rations  
Mercy’s hair and shirt  
Hanzo’s bowstring (He tried to stab her in the face after that and ended up frozen in a block of ice).  
Reaper’s dignity and clothing (He was completely naked for the rest of the forest).

The session ended with McCree, Hanzo, Soldier and Reaper arguing over who was gayer. The issue still has not been resolved.


	3. Genji Gets Gay-Blasted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genji gets rekted by the Coalition of Gay. Enough said.

“You arrive, after much struggle, in Vorralyn City, the city infamous for its rich culture and liveliness. And guys, I’m instituting a new rule.” Reinhardt glared around the table. “NO MORE BULLSHIT ONE-NIGHT STANDS, IT WASTES SO MUCH TIME, GENJI.”

Genji’s character, a half-elf cleric named Randarion Amanodel, was infamous for seeking out one-night-stands in any city they passed through. These conquests had resulted in an accidental engagement, 6 fines, 8 false revenge criminal allegations, 3 stolen important objects, and several arsons and vandalisms. He, every time he made the now-required “morning after roll”, had shockingly never rolled above a 9. This was in part because Mercy, as an added layer of revenge, gave him a weighted d20, so it always rolled low.

Hanzo leaned over and whispered in Jesse’s ear. 

“It’s very probable that he has had all this sex in-game to compensate for the fact that it’s been literally decades since he’s gotten any, right?” Jesse snickered, nodding.

“I CAN HEAR YOU, JACKASSES!” Genji yelled. 

“He’s just jealous that his brother is getting more than him.” Soldier said, prompting Hanzo and Jesse to high-five. Reaper laughed.

“Although I love a good Genji roasting, who doesn’t,” he said, causing everyone but Genji to raise their hands, “Maybe we should get back to the game.” Reinhardt nodded.

“Anyway, now that the gay storm has passed.” The four gays glared at him. “You walk down a street of shops, including a weapons shop, adventuring supplies, and clothing. The street is crowded with people. Everyone in your path gasps, faints or turns bright red and flees.” 

“Wait, why?” Reaper asked, leaning forward.

It took them two hours of wandering around the city, giving people that same reaction, to remember that Reaper was stark-naked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you guys so much for the support! It makes this even more fun to write. Muy gracias!


	4. Downtime Gets Complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is why downtime is never a good idea.

“You all have some downtime after the day’s adventures. What would you like to do? Side note: Randarion is banned from all bars and taverns past 8 0’ clock.”

“WHAT? WHY?” Genji said, slamming his fists on the table. Due to the fact that his hands were metal, the table broke. Without skipping a beat, Reinhardt swept up their things, picked up another table from the back of the room, and put the stuff back down.

“What?” Reinhardt said. “I always keep a backup table on hand.” Everyone was silent. “Anyway. Randarion, you’re banned because none of us wanna get run out of town by a crazy ex-lover of yours for the 40th time. I actually have stuff planned.”

“47th. I’ve been counting.” Widowmaker said, shooting a glare at Genji.

“But messing up your planning is the most fun thing we do in this campaign.” Genji retorted.

“He has a point. It’s actually pretty amusing watching you get increasingly annoyed at us for distracting the plot.” Hanzo said.

“I love you too, brother.” Genji said.

“Hush up or I’ll kill you again.”

After a bit of banter and a lowkey fistfight between the Shimada brothers, Reinhardt go everyone’s attention 

“What would you guys like to do?”

After a bit, everyone had settled into their downtime activities. Widowmaker, Hanzo, and Mercy went to get jobs in various shops, each of them getting employed as a tailor, restaurant cook, and tavern waitress respectively. Soldier and Reaper opted to go explore the city more, and Jesse and Genji went to go pickpocket unsuspecting townspeople. 

Jesse and Genji got arrested.  
Jesse and Genji are screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOLDIER IS GAY CONFIRMED  
> LET THE SHIPPING INTENSIFY


	5. Confusion All Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How is Jesse the one making sense here...

“Penniless, driven out of the city by a pack of rabid prostitutes that Akmenios accidentally hired and flirted with, you come to the outside of Vorralyn City limits. The terrain is rocky and open, with little cover or game.” Reinhardt sighed and slumped back in his seat.

Hanzo’s character, a tiefling ranger Akmenios, hadn’t realized that the women in the store he was working at weren’t looking for jobs there, but were in fact prostitutes looking for a fun night. He inadvertently hired them, against the warnings of the group. Angered at the lack of sexual compensation, they banded together and drove the party out. Widowmaker had managed to steal their money with a spell, and they had enough rations for 10 days.

“There are no major cities for miles, but there is a farming community a few miles from here, and an inhospitable wasteland for miles in all other directions.”

“I’M GOING TO THE WASTELAND!” Jesse yelled, and everyone groaned.

“Jesse. I love you, but why do you always have to make the worst decisions every single time?” Hanzo said in exasperation. 

“Because if we go to the farmland, one of us is going to do something horrible to it and get chased out anyway.” He said, suddenly serious. “If we head there, it’ll just be more wasted time. But if we go to the wastelands, there’s nothing to demolish, we can train out there, we have a ranger who can definitely scavenge up some kind of food, and eventually we’re bound to stumble on something or somewhere interesting sometime.” 

There was silence as they contemplated this. Then, Mercy spoke.

“Well, you know there’s something wrong with this group when JESSE MCCREE is the one making the rational, well thought-out argument.”


	6. Alcoholics and Anger (A&A)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Widowmaker loses track of her drinking. She still goes to D&D.

“You all have been traveling for 8 days. You have 2 more days of rations before you start to starve to death. Luckily, there is a trading post about a mile from your current location. You can choose to push onward, or go stock up on supplies.” 

The group had been traveling for 8 days across the barren land. Jesse was blamed for every negative thing that happened out there. This was in part because Jesse made the decision, and in part because Jesse was a jackass when it came to D&D. They collectively decided to go to the trading post. 

Upon arrival, they found out that hey had no way of paying for all the supplies needed. The woman selling the items was being harassed by Reaper, in a misguided attempt to get her to lower her prices.

“Jack, get your boyfriend under control. He’s ruining our chances of not starving to death.” Mercy growled, glaring at the two gays, who were currently snuggling on a beanbag in a way that seemed extremely inappropriate for D&D.

“I vote that we ramsack the place, take what we want, and not pay for anything.” Widowmaker said, slurring her words just a bit.

“Widow, are you drunk?” Hanzo asked, horrified.

“I take 2 shots of vodka before every session. I overdid it this time.” She mumbled, collapsing into Reinhardt’s arm. Luckily, she was very light and didn’t annoy Reinhardt in the slightest.

“How many did you take this time?” Jesse sighed.

“I forget...things started to get blurry around shot number 7…” She responded sleepily.

They decided to ramsack the place.


	7. How Convenient

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genji, you salty little shit.

“You have been at sea for 6 days. Your boat is on the verge of collapse, and Genji was a dick and pushed Hanzo out of the boat, so he has a cold and has infected Widow, Mercy, Jesse, and Reaper. The only way to survive this is if Genji swallows his pride and GODDAMN HEALS EVERYONE LIKE HE’S FUCKING SUPPOSED TO.” Reinhardt growled.

“THIS IS MY REVENGE!” Genji screeched.

“YOU’RE ABOUT TO CAUSE THE DEATHS OF ALL OUR CHARACTERS BECAUSE YOU JUST HAD TO GET REVENGE NOW EXCEPT FOR JACK BECAUSE HE’S SOMEHOW INVULNERABLE!” Mercy screamed in Genji’s face. Genji fell silent out of fear. Mercy was scary.

“Fine, I’ll heal you dumbasses.” Genji grumbled, casting a spell. The group then resumed trying to figure out how to get to land, as they were stuck on a sinking boat. Widow, bored of the arguing, turned to Reinhardt and began talking with him. When the arguing ceased, Reinhardt spoke.

“While you were arguing about your various stupid ideas, Widowmaker has yet again devised a rational and clever solution. She will simply levitate the boat to safety., and once it breaks, she will use a quick teleportation spell.” 

It seems that Widowmaker having convinient spells is becoming a theme. How strange.


	8. Genji What The Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genji gets thirsty to the point of dehydration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't posted in forever. My theater is doing a production of Heathers (I'm Heather Chandler), so I've been swamped.

“The lair of the green dragon is dank and moist. Genji, I can see you giggling, you little shit.” growled Reinhardt.

“Reinhardt, you really make it too easy!” Mercy snickered.

The group had been trying to defeat a green dragon that had been terrorizing the neighboring city. They’d tried everything they could think of, arrows, stabbing, negotiating, festive holiday cards, everything. They were sneaking into the cave for one last attack attempt. Genji suddenly got a strange gleam in his eye.

“Guys, I have an idea.” Everyone groaned. Genji’s ideas tended to be, to put it simply, fucking obnoxious. 

“Genji, NO. NO MORE DUMB IDEAS. PLEASE.” Mercy growled. Genji ignored her. 

“I want to roll to sneak into the dragonesses cave and seduce her. Then I can kill her whilst romancing her.” He announced, rolling his d20 unnecessarily aggressively. Jesse burst out laughing and hugged Genji.

“I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!” Jesse whooped with joy. Widowmaker’s, Soldier’s, Reaper’s, and Hanzo’s heads all thudded against the table in unison.

“What did he roll?” Reinhardt asked. Jesse’s eyes lit up.

“A nat 20.”


	9. Prepare Your Ears.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse and Genji, the traveling laureates.

“You arrive at the town in the early morning. The town seems gray and sad, with little bustle and little joy. It feels empty, with few interesting things.” Reinhardt said.

“Sounds like Reaper’s social life.” Soldier muttered. The table erupted in OOH’s and GET REKT’s, while Reaper shot his boyfriend a death glare.

“You’re one to talk, you locked yourself in your room for 48 hours straight playing Call Of Duty. I walked into your room naked and you did nothing but play.” Reaper retorted.

The two proceeded to get into a passionate argument which ended with the two off them leaving the room to make out somewhere as an apology. 

“...ANYWAY.” Reinhardt announced awkwardly. “We will now take a 5 minute break so that I can eat a hot pocket.” Reinhardt began eating whilst the group members began to plan

“I’m gonna go stock up on rations.” Widow said.

“I’ll join you.” Mercy said. Hanzo also nodded. 

“I’M GONG TO GET UP ON THE TOWN SQUARE AND SERENADE EVERYONE!” Jesse shouted. Genji’s eyes lit up.

“I HAVE A LUTE IN MY BAG, LET’S GO!” 

The group groaned. Whenever this happened, Jesse and Genji would sing in real life. Unfortunately, Genji was a terrible singer. Even worse, Jesse was an amazing singer. This always made the group feel bad, for both reasons.

“I’M NEVER GONNA DANCE AGAIN GUILTY FEET HAVE GOT NO RHYTHM” Jesse and Genji began. The group settled in. This would take a while.

**Author's Note:**

> So this'll probably go on for a while, and I apologize for the crappiness. I write these at 11 at night while drinking Ginger Ale and procrastinating.


End file.
